3 weeks has passed

There are still some of them still giving me their condolences.I appeared calm and happy as I said 'thank you'.Do I really feel the same way as I looked?All that smiling and calm,blank faces..is just a part of the process of forcing myself to move on.I told my mother to move on with life and not to depend on anyone.It's hard but at some point you'll get over the hard stage.With her being in the very house where my father used to live and me meeting so many cancer patients each day.Today itself,I met a new patient with advanced breast cancer.She's a nurse,diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago and refused chemo.So she decided to take up the traditional treatment.According to daughter-in-law,the lump resolved.And last week she developed stroke and went to the hospital,did a thorough investigation and they found out it has already spread to lungs,liver and brain.It's too late to do anything.All they can do is make her comfortable and wait.

I came across "Kenny Sia's" webpage.In his biography,he stated that he came back to Kuching because he wanted to be by his father's side who also had late stage kidney cancer.His father passed away in 2005.Doctor's said cancer in the kidney is rare,but now and then I do find people with the same problem as my father.
I miss my father dearly.

Just went surfing through the MAKNA webpage.All the survivor stories.Most of them are kids who had leukemia.Not much from the adults.And most of them detect the cancer at an early stage.Shouldn't be a problem.

Currently,I don't know what to feel.I've been trying to get a new phone line,new stuffs..maybe it's a way for me to get things of my mind.I hope this habit doesn't go overboard.

Before noon

The cat family I saw this morning.

As I was getting down the stairs this morning I saw this cat family in front of the hostel.Went to say good morning to them.I'm not an animal lover,let alone cats.I prefer dogs,just that I can't have one.Anyway,to see the different colours of the fur between this cats made me think.How can a grey male cat with a white female cat produced a kitten with 3 colours?Black,brown and white.Back to biology.Hmm..Maybe I am in a baby mood these few days that I was interested in having a look at the kitten.

The view of the cooridoors today.

Boy,it's starting to stink!Don't get it wrong.Not mine.I hope they clean it up by today.Else,it'll be much worse by tomorrow.Very unhealthy.

I'm going to change my handphone number later.But it's still hot outside.And I have to go alone.The driver is not functioning normally nowadays.I'm still lazy to walk to town under the hot sun.

Extreme Heat

It's so hot that I always ended up with daily headache.When I was little,I always had nosebleed whenever the weather was warm.Nowadays,I need to sleep early because of severe headache.1 caplet of ponstan is not enough.Always need to add paracetamol to it.Try my best to sleep in the midst of chaos here..and thank God,I woke up without a headache.

Yesterday was a sleeping marathon.Not a true marathon like in the old days,however you can consider it as such compared to the current amount of sleep I get these days.I slept from 10.30am to 4pm.That's about 5 hour and a half.And continuing from 9.30pm to 6am.That's another 8 hour and a half.Wow!Thank God again the mid exam was cancelled today.Else I'd be screwed.

I can't do anything to change the temperature.I can only stay out of it.Can I?
Drink a lot of water..and cool myself off with bathing.Imagine the cold water can turn to warm water when it rinses my head!

Today Is Sunday

I am traumatized.Currently it's 11.30pm.When the clocks strikes 12.20am,it's exactly 2 weeks since my father's passing.I dreaded it.Everything that has happened will replay in my head.

I'm still living..alive but not kicking.I may look happy on the outside and as if nothing happened,only God knows what's in my head.Also for those who has been in the same situation as me.I'm very sure I am not alone.

For me to see so many cancer cases in the ward daily,it's very hard.Every complication reminds me of my father and how much he had suffered.I told him so many times,that he's not the only one.I'm determine to be an oncologist one day.

You don't feel it much when it happened.But it's much more obvious now.No more phone calls from my father,no more scoldings from him,no more his famous line "kamu ni keras kepala".Hehe.Can't seek advice from him,can't bug him or purposely piss him off.

Yes,his daughter misses him dearly.Nadya rindu ayah..

My Father(1957-2008)

My beloved father Dr.Noor Hisham b.Ramly,passed away on the 5th of May 2008.He was diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma since Nov 2006.Things just got worst for him and he was in so much pain.Was warded in HUKM-MAKNA for 2 months before he left us.He wanted to come home so much,sadly because of his bedsore we never agreed to it.God loves him more and it was already his time.Because he was really suffering,we're not so reluctant when he left.He's deeply missed and his passing left a huge impact on the family.We pray that he is in a better place and well taken-care by God.Amin.

Somethings from Facebook

You know they have these quizes in facebook and better ones in tickle.The kind to get to know yourself?Here's some that I did in facebook.

What song are you?
My result is: One Step Closer - Linkin Park

You are One Step Closer by Linkin Park Inside you are very angry. You believe that no one really understands you and will not listen to you. You try to gain peoples attention by doing drastic things. You are also very independent. You desire to speak for yourself and wish that everyone would stop telling you how to live your life
-->Well,I didn't know that I'm that angry.The second line is most probably true,I do feel that.However,I don't like the spotlight,makes me uneasy and I have the obsession to do things right,so when it goes wrong..I'll have that nagging thought in my head.Is that obsessive compulsive?I am independent,at least I think so.I do speak for myself and what I think..sometimes it landed me trouble.Especially when people wanted me to voice out their opinion,and I got backstabbed in the end.Not nice.Yeah,and I also don't like people telling me what I'm supposed to say.I really hate that.Don't put words in my mouth!

What magical creature are you?
My result is: Unicorn

You are beautiful and pure. You make people stare and you're friends with only a few
-->Me?Beautiful,pure and make people stare?Haha,are you kidding me?Yeah,I rarely have good friends and I'm only friends with only a few.