Is It Halloween?

I'm confused..when's Halloween?30th or 31st?

If Malaysia were to have Halloween celebrations,and if I were to be invited to a Halloween party,I would like to wear my labcoat!

Haha..and bring my stethoscope,tendon reflex hammer,measuring tape,penlight,tongue spatula...you name it.

Hey,that's a costume also right?At least jimat duit aku.

-Just a funny thought-

My Pipes

Two songs that haunted me badly:
1.Hanya Kau Yang Mampu-Aizat af5
2.Sempurna-Andra & The Backbone

Both songs were famous around the time of my father's passing.Both are nice songs.Both are meaningful.I must hear it with other people,at least it boost my ego to stop my pipes from working.However today,the pipes give way.
I start to wonder how come I rarely hugged my father when I have the chance?Rarely express myself to him.Goes the same with him.Few weeks before his passing,he always ended the phone calls by telling me that he loves me.Only then I told him the same.But now is not the time to regret anymore.The time has passed.

I planned to volunteer for the palliative care unit in Selayang hospital.People asked,how come I don't volunteer for MAKNA instead.I have my issues there which I rather not discussed it now.If you've read my previous posts when my father was still warded in MAKNA,you'd understand my reasons.Anyway,I'd like to help others who are in my father's situation.As I didn't get the chance to fully take care of him during his last months.Although I did get my share in the previous admissions.Also got my share of fighting with nurses who doesn't work well.

This is the time when I need him the most.And he's not here anymore.

Happy Deepavali

Happy Deepavali to all my Hindhu friends!

I Feel..

-like an ass..
-like a jerk..
-like a failure..
-like I am a chicken and runs away from things..
-out of control..
-stupid
-that I'm messing my own life
-like a kid who can't take challenges and risks

I don't think the list is complete yet.I have become someone I don't want to be.

P.S;Happy 26th birthday to my cousin brother..

Headache..headache please go away..

I am not well.Been having migraine since Sunday.Usually it will resolve after taking meds and a good sleep in a dark quiet room.Currently it's not disappearing.It's still there at its minimal level.It's sooooooo irritating.When will it go off??

Checked my BP this morning.My friend took it and said it's already 130/90!Mad..my BP never exceeds 120/80.Even though it's only one reading and I panicked.Made my headache worst.

I have a strong family history of hypertension.Takkan I am getting it at such an early age?But it's possible with my lifestyle.No exercise,stressed up and eating everything I want.

Other than hypertension,I thought of my eyes.I am supposed to use glasses.But the 'gatal' me stopped using it since I stepped foot in Malaysia(takut tudung tak cantik!very lame).So..current management is,to wear back my glasses,to go on a strict diet(can I do this?)..and have painkillers or migraine meds at hand.Don't wait until it's severe enough to take the meds.

It Takes Two To Tango

Conflicts will only rise when there's 2 parties do not want or unable to find a solution for their problem.So,it takes 2 to tango.
(I remember there's a wafer in Indonesia with the brand name 'Tango')

In the hostel itself.Even though it seems like the old conflict had died off,but you can still see the sparks.The Indonesian community is still divided into 2.With so many complaints,opinions on one another still buried inside.On both sides.I am just an observer and do not wish to complicate my life by joining their war.

->Mum should be home in KL now

-->I have a gynae pre-test next week

--->I'm not in speaking terms to someone

---->I should be more focus and not to fear the future

???

What is wrong with friendster??

It's been so many days that I can't log in..Kept logging in into someone else's account.

Either that or once I got my page,the next click logged me out from my account..

What the heck is happening?

<--This guy is hot!

It Was Well

It went quite well this morning..I cleared my head.Just rewinding some things I studied yesterday in my head..ignoring bitches etc...and Bam!
I hit another wall..initial plan was 3 of us were to have lunch at a specific place at 12.30.So everyone 'tahan' laparlah..12.20 came a sms stating that the other party had already taken maggie,so they were no longer hungry and decided not to go to lunch.What about me?Why didn't inform when they were already making the maggie?Why informed when they were no longer hungry?.....
Where's my mistake?

Randomly

I haven't been blogging for a week I guess..too many inner and outer conflicts.After a series of thinking I think it's just not suitable for me to blab about my dissatisfaction towards people around me.I've come to the decision that I should do something about myself.You can't change people the way you want them to be,but you can fix yourself so you can blend in accordingly.At first I thought I was losing myself bit by bit.But I guess that is what you call 'living'.Don't worry,I'm not transforming myself into a hypocrite.But if there's some people who would want to think so,up to them.

It's hard at first.I think I am jealous.For so many things..kept finding faults.So my solution for that,is just to be comfortable with myself,do my best and not to lose my focus.Ignore the temptations to be in the spotlight..etc.I heard one 'ceramah agama' over the radio in the hospital while I was oncall,saying that everything that starts with a good,clean and clear intentions,Insya Allah,God will help..So I need to correct my 'nawaitu'..
I have thought over and over why I want to be a doctor.Prayed to God not to make me boastfull,obnoxious and proud of my social status in the future and always keep me rooted to the ground.

Regarding how the others behave around me when I am already trying my best to be nice to them,I shouldn't put it too much in my head.Some people just forget their manners.I do too,sometimes...but must make sure not majority of the time.Some people are just plain dumb,so be patient.They'd like to be smart,or act smart,I do too at times...but I'd like to stop doing that now.Some people just like to talk endlessly about their wealth,I should feel pity for them and pray that they realised that their wealth doesn't truly belongs to them.

Shouldn't use my father's name or reputation to gain attention or merit or acknowledgements etc..I need to carve my own name.He already made his own,I should start now for myself.

By tomorrow,I hope that I am able to feel fresh and wake up as new motivated person.Insya Allah.

Updates

There's a big fight went on yesterday in the hostel.Between 2 groups.I as an outsider would think the whole issue is ridiculous and can be settled much earlier and in a simpler manner.But what if I was among those people involved..I wouldn't think so..I would think that even that small issue that I was fighting about is a big issue(to me).
See how irrational one can get when they are raging?

Time passes very slowly these days.

Mum is leaving for Jakarta tomorrow.She's excited.

My boyfriend is admitted in the hospital.Nothing serious.It's about time for him to be admitted,else he would never receive proper treatment.

Currently I'm just keeping quiet to the antics from people around me.When will it be over?

Losing myself

I don't know what's happening with me.I'm not the old self.I used to be bold and meet my problems face to face.I don't feel like myself anymore,like some alien has occupy my body(that's a bit too extreme).

To add to it,a close friend seems to lose faith in me.That despite how I am in the outside,I still have a good heart...etc..etc.He just don't buy that anymore.

I'm having a severe identity crisis.Which is bothering me.My father would know how to solve this,now that I am on my own,I'm not sure where I should begin..what am I looking for..

Captured Moments

I initially thought that I've arranged the pics from the earliest pictures to the latest ones.Haih,bear with me.Sorry.

4th Oct, cousins that was born in October(minus the little ones in the pictures)
4th Oct, simple ceremony during my uncle's open hse in Shah Alam
3rd Oct, in Little Penang Cafe,KLCC(food was good).We actually wanted to eat at Madam Kwan's,it's packed.Happy 24th birthday to me!
1st Oct, only both of us left..there used to be 3 of us in pictures like this
1st Oct,the whole clan in my uncle's hse in Shah Alam(missing in action;my cousins in Japan and Aberdeen)

It's easy to spot me,thanks to the brightness of my baju kurung and my laziness to wear makeup(I looked so dark here!)

Happy Raya

Internet in Kangar sucks big time.We were trapped in that state without internet for 2 weeks!felt like screaming my head off...stupid place.Sorry Perlis ppl...
Anyway,Selamat Hari Raya to all..on this very good morning itself..so many things had already happened.Let's not ruin it with my rantings...
Have fun people.Take care.