Randomly

I haven't been blogging for a week I guess..too many inner and outer conflicts.After a series of thinking I think it's just not suitable for me to blab about my dissatisfaction towards people around me.I've come to the decision that I should do something about myself.You can't change people the way you want them to be,but you can fix yourself so you can blend in accordingly.At first I thought I was losing myself bit by bit.But I guess that is what you call 'living'.Don't worry,I'm not transforming myself into a hypocrite.But if there's some people who would want to think so,up to them.

It's hard at first.I think I am jealous.For so many things..kept finding faults.So my solution for that,is just to be comfortable with myself,do my best and not to lose my focus.Ignore the temptations to be in the spotlight..etc.I heard one 'ceramah agama' over the radio in the hospital while I was oncall,saying that everything that starts with a good,clean and clear intentions,Insya Allah,God will help..So I need to correct my 'nawaitu'..
I have thought over and over why I want to be a doctor.Prayed to God not to make me boastfull,obnoxious and proud of my social status in the future and always keep me rooted to the ground.

Regarding how the others behave around me when I am already trying my best to be nice to them,I shouldn't put it too much in my head.Some people just forget their manners.I do too,sometimes...but must make sure not majority of the time.Some people are just plain dumb,so be patient.They'd like to be smart,or act smart,I do too at times...but I'd like to stop doing that now.Some people just like to talk endlessly about their wealth,I should feel pity for them and pray that they realised that their wealth doesn't truly belongs to them.

Shouldn't use my father's name or reputation to gain attention or merit or acknowledgements etc..I need to carve my own name.He already made his own,I should start now for myself.

By tomorrow,I hope that I am able to feel fresh and wake up as new motivated person.Insya Allah.